Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Changes

  OK, so I am trying to be more faithful to my blog. Truth be told, sometimes it is just hard for me to sit and type a post. I don’t know why- I’m on the computer most of my day, so why not take a little time to blog? I am really going to try to make more of an effort. If no one else reads it, that’s fine—but I think that sometimes just getting out stuff is helpful. I may end up rambling at points as I get things typed out, so I apologize in advance if I go off track at points. I’m overly tired and sometimes I won’t make sense. Just a warning, lol

So—for better or for worse, here goes…

  As you may or may not know, I struggle with my vision. I have had eye problems from birth, but I guess I really didn’t understand the extent of it until a couple years ago. I had to go to see a specialist in Ann Arbor Michigan, where I endured about 8 hours of extensive, painful testing. In that time, I only got a half hour break for lunch. From that experience, I was diagnosed with Progressive Optic Neuropathy. That is just one of the several eye diseases that I have. I really don’t feel like naming them all off right now and, besides, I don’t have them all right in front of me.

  Anyway, I go into all that to say that my peripheral vision has always been slim. It’s like looking through a tunnel. 2 weeks ago today, I went to my neuro-ophthalmologist, and discovered that my visual fields have severely become more constricted. So much so, that he cant explain it. We knew that this disease would eventually claim my vision totally, but according to the tests, it is progressing faster than anticipated. So—I go back to retest on the 5th of October. If the results are similar to that of 2 weeks ago, I will once again have to make the Ann Arbor trip. I am hoping that the previous test was just a fluke because of me being overly tired, so that I won’t have to go there again.

  I went to my primary doctor last week. He has put me on some new meds; one for help to sleep, and one as a muscle relaxer. All together, I have about 8 medications in pill form; and more in eye drops, inhalers, etc… I started taking the new meds this weekend, and I just haven’t been myself. I have slept SO much since starting these meds, and people around me are starting to notice that I haven’t been myself lately. I did go to church Sunday, although the night before, I was certain that I wouldn’t be going. I forced myself to go, because it is something that I always do, and this week was our missions convention, and I really didn’t want to miss it.

  I am trying really hard to resume life as normal. I love everything that I do. I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I am thankful for dear friends. They are always there for me, willing to help whenever I need it. I have great online friends, who are also there for me. I can’t explain why I’ve been feeling odd lately other than the meds. It’s the only explanation I can come up with. I don’t feel depressed. I don’t feel like I want to hurt myself or anything like that. I just feel “off” Does that make sense?

  This summer has been so busy for me. It seemed like I was always on the go. I would like to say that I have had fun. I worked hard as well. I was able to remodel my bedroom. I am thankful for that. At the same time, I feel like I have let people down, and that is never my intention. I am thankful that Autumn is here, mainly because I know that now I will be home more often, and won’t be as busy as I have been.

  Hummie has been such a dear friend to me, and I am eternally grateful for our friendship, but I feel like I have let her down as well. I don’t think that I have been as good of an assistant as I started out to be. I hope she isn’t giving up on me, because I am not giving up on her. I am more determined than ever to be a good assistant and to give the very best of me. She deserves that. She is such an awesome lady, and I am looking forward to the day that we can finally meet face to face, and I think with as much as we seem to think alike, I think we’d have a lot of fun in the “real world”. :) I cannot even begin to tell you how much I appreciate her. She does so much for so many people, and yet she feels inadequate. I can relate to that, because I struggle with the same feelings from time to time. So Hummie- if you are reading this—you are AWESOME!!! Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, or they’ll have to deal with me :)

  So, I realized that I titled this blog entry ‘changes’. I am not really changing anything—but I guess in a way I am. I am trying to change my attitude and how I look at things. If I continue to look at my situations medically and emotionally as negative, then my outlook will be negative. I don’t want the negative. I want to focus on the positive.  Today, I am thankful that I was able to get a massage. I think that it will help. I am thankful for my church family and friends, who have noticed a change in me and have become concerned. I would be more worried if they weren’t concerned, you know?

Well, I think I have typed way more than I intended to! I guess once you get going, you just can’t stop, huh? lol… I hope that you all have a wonderful day, and remember to think positively!!

Till next time,

1 comment:

Hummie said...

Yeah for you for blogging....don't worry if people read (I'm learning that too)....do it for you!

And that was so sweet what you said about me. You'll make me cry!